Fukushu suruwa wareniari
by Smudged
Summary: OotP Spoilers...kinda. Come and vote for how to kill you most hated characters!
1. DisclaimerDedication

Fukushu suruwa wareniari

I do not own Harry Potter, if I had, Sirius wouldn't have died and Umbridge would have been hit smack bang square in the butt by a firework.

**Now this is a plot line that I have seen done quite a few times, so if you came up with it – PLEASE LET ME USE IT!!!**

**There I think I've been disclaimed for everything.**

Okay Now the Basic plot line- You tell me who to kill, and who you want to kill them (I do not care if the characters are already dead or even if you want yourself written in to kill them as well).  And if you have any preferences on HOW they are killed too I will take that into account.  I will kill characters more then once, but there will not be any build up or character development.  It'll be kinda like clay fighters, they're stuck in a ring and someone dies.

**Now did that make any sense?**

P.S.  The Name means Vengeance is Mine (I thought it rather fitting).

This is dedicated to those of you who wish Umbridge would be run over by a stream roller, or Lestrange is continuously dropped into a vat on lemon juice after sending her down a slide covered in razors.  And particularly to Mrs. Sirius Orion Black and Silkistija (yours was the longest review I have EVER seen) and everyone else who reviewed my fic Drawn.

And now, on to - Fukushu suruwa wareniari *Mwhahaha evil laugh*

**SO REVIEW AND GET IN HOW YOU WANT THEM TO DIE!!!!**

**The first chapter will be up soon.**


	2. The First Death

**Fukushu suruwa wareniari: The (First) Death of Lestrange-**

**Disclaimer- Check the first page.  **

Dedication- I dedicate this chapter to Amaliia Milan. I loved the idea! And once again to everyone out there, once I killed of one character, doesn't mean they can't be killed again.  Oh and sorry Amaliia, I needed to change the idea slightly.  It's still mostly the same though.

Our story starts out Woop Woop somewhere.  The most evilest death eater (in the minds of Sirius fans anyway) was keeping Mr. Demon Face a.k.a. Lord Voldemort company.  Mr Demon Face was busy sleeping so Bellatrix Lestrange was busy going through a list of fellow Death Eaters to see who was still alive after all these years.

_Dead_

_Dead_

_Dead_

_Dead_

_Insane_

_Deserted  
Dead  
Pretending to be good_

_Working for the ministry_

_Dead_

Wasn't smart enough to leave Azkaban 

_Sitting in a cage on my master self _(umm...that's Peter everyone)

Got sent to Azkaban Dead 

Okay well she wasn't having much luck.  Hmm…maybe she could have some luck with the people who she tortured.  She always had enjoyed gloating.

Dead  
Dead

Dead

Dead

Dead

Dead

Dead

Dead

Well after three rolls of Dead Later, she found a promising one.

Insane-St Mungo's-Frank and Alice Longbottom.  

And since today was such a perfect day (There was a cyclone going on outside) she'd go visit them.   

"Oi You stupid twat headed house elf!!!"  Bellatrix screamed, "Get me some floo powder you pathetic piece of bum fluff!!!  And a fire whiskey whilst your at it!!"

The house elves didn't really like Bellatrix, so one enterprising house elf by the name of Dooby (You may have heard of his cousin Dobby), placed some Floo powder into Bellatraix's cup of fire whiskey.  

"Here is mistress Floo Powder an Whiskey!"  

Bellatrix downed the fire whiskey, jumped into the fire, then jumped out coz she remembered she hadn't thrown the floo powder yet.

"Okay lets try that again" A pinch of Floo Powder in the fire and a call of "St Mungo's" and she was off.

As funny thing happened though.  Because of the Floo powder she'd just swallowed, her stomach went first…and anything else attached to it.  So putting it nicely, the majority of her insides ended up at St Mungo's before her.  Of course she was there a spilt second later, and could see her guts lying beside her.  She looked up and she could see a doctor there.  Or at least she thought it was a doctor.  It was actually…Gilderoy Lockheart.  But she didn't know that this was an escaped patient from the Loony Bin, who had written many best selling books by plagiarizing ideas, as she'd been in Azkaban for 11 or so years.  Hmm…the things you miss out on whilst in prison.  Get back to Gilderoy and Lestrange guts.  

"help me doctor…" she croaked

"OH! I'm a doctor am I? Well I suppose I could help you…" Unfortunately Gilderoy had gotten hold of a wand. "Lets try this…**Peskipiksi Pesternomi****!**"  As I think you all know by now, that does nothing so Bellatrix was left on the floor in pain.

"Umm…okay, lets try something else now…**Ferula!**" And suddenly Bellatrix's head was bandaged.

"Hmm…no, that didn't work…what about…**Prior Incantato!"** Okay well now the bandages were off her head.  Keep in mind Bellatrix was in a LOT of pain.  Well moving on since that's not really important since we don't care that she's in excruciating mind numbing pain.

Back to the story.

Half and hour later Lockheart finally came upon a spell that did some good.

**"INCENDIO!!!"** And Bellatrix's guts caught alight.  Woops.  Looks like those wont be replaced anytime soon.  Anyway, the smell of burning offal bought Lockheart's nurse running.  

"Gilderoy, what have you been…" The she screamed.  "GUARDS!!!!!!!!!" Two guards popped out from who knows where.  "Guards, I think this is one of the escaped death eaters." She said pointing to the quivering mass on the floor "Could you please take her away whilst I deal with Lockheart.  Send a house elf to clean this up." They disapperated with a POP and the nurse took Gilderoy back to his room to sign all those nice pictures.  

Just after they had left, there was shuffling and a muttering sound.

"Malfoy's betray Kreacher like this.  Not give him a home when he helps them"

He started to sweep up the pile of ash and then took a sniff

"Bellatrix?  Mistress?  No! Not Mistress.  Evil healers kill Bellatrix!" 

So he swept up the ash whilst sopping.  Put it in a jar and proceeded to make out with it in the middle of the corridor.  

He the got hit by a run away horse.

The End

**A/N- Now isn't this an interesting story…hmm…  Oh well.  Review if you liked, review if you don't.  The next person to die will be…. UMBRIDGE!!!!  So send in Idea's and lets see which weird and magical ways we can kill her.******


	3. The Second Death

Fukushu suruwa wareniari  
  
The death of Umbridge.  
  
We first see the ugly toad faced professor sitting in her horrible pink and lacy office plotting how else to screw up the lives of the Hogwarts students and faculty. She was flipping through her various proclamations when she got.*Gasp*. A PAPER CUT! (Pay attention this is important!) It started bleeding, so she wrapped it in a pissy little lacy handkerchief and walked down to torture our poor Hagrid.  
  
Umbridge started to stomp her way towards Hagrid's cabin. As she got closer she could hear laughing and gasps from the Forbidden Forest so she went into investigate.  
  
As she drew closer to the noise she could see these weird horsey shapes gallivanting around mauling an animal carcass.  
  
"Eh, Hem, hem, hem"  
  
Umbitch let out that annoyingly pathetic cough of hers.  
  
"Hem, hem"  
  
The class turned around to see Umbitch standing there in her full pink lacy glory.  
  
"Hem, hem, Hagrid, What are you teaching the students?"  
  
" 'Bout Thestral's Professor. Think the lil' tykes need to know about this stuff"  
  
"Uh Hagrid."Said Fred Weasley, "This is a seventh year class. We're not little tykes"'  
  
"Huh? Ohh.you're not 'Arry's class! What was I thinkin'? Run along then, Class dismissed"  
  
"Professor Hagrid, May I ask what you think you were doing teaching CHILDREN about Thestrals?!? That was very irresponsible of you Professor! We have a duty of care to these students. Blah blah blah."  
  
Whilst Umbitch was ranting on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and .well you get the idea. The thestrals smelt fresh blood coming from. the big fluffy pink thing that was babbling incoherently (aka Umbitch's paper cut).  
  
The thestrals started to walk over to Umbitch. She ceased her ranting at Hagrid and looked over.  
  
"Umm.Hagrid.what are they doing? Why are you letting you're crazy beasts on me?"  
  
"They won' hurt yeh," says Hagrid, overconfidently as it turned out. Because at that moment, they.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
(a/n- ain't I annoying? *angelic grin*)  
  
.  
  
.  
  
(that's enough, back to the story.)  
  
THEY ATTACKED!!!  
  
They started mauling Umbitch and she tried to fight them off with blasted notepad of hers. The pink of her clothing just started to piss of the Thestrals even more.  
  
"They're playin' with yeh, tha's all," muttered Hagrid. Hagrid starting getting board though and wandered off.  
  
"Hem hem, Hem hem, hem hem." Was the only sound that Umbitch could make as the Thestrals trampled her. It wasn't very loud either so no-one else could hear it.except for a passing centaur.  
  
Condensed end version (a/n- coz I'm lazy); The Centaurs came to help the Thestrals and Umbitch ended up dead and we all lived happily ever after. The end  
  
A/N- I do not own any of the HP characters, nor do I own this idea. Some lovely person from FF suggested it. I just wrote it out. R & R 


End file.
